I was just at the most amazing restorative Reiki class, and tonight was about being still in your darkness.
Not trying to immediately get out of it. Not trying to fix it. Just recognizing it for what it is—the different parts of it, what it has to show you, what it might be doing there in the first place.
And then, eventually, coming into change.
The question wasn’t, What do you want to change about yourself?
It wasn’t, Where do you want to be in five years?
It was:
Who do you want to become through the change?
And I freaking love that.
Because maybe the darkness is part of the change that eventually brings you to the light. Maybe what you go through teaches you something, and through learning it, you become something. Not necessarily somebody completely different—maybe just a better, deeper, more loving version of yourself. For yourself.
And I think that’s where I am.
I feel like I show up for other people in such a great way—or, I should say, I show up for people as best I can.
But I don’t always show up for myself as best I can.
I’m not always 100% with myself. I’m not always fully present with myself. I don’t sacrifice and make time for myself nearly as easily as I would sacrifice and make time for somebody else.
That has changed some as I’ve gotten older. I’ve matured. I’ve had friendships. I’ve watched people come and go. I’ve ebbed and flowed through life enough to understand myself differently.
But one thing remains:
I’ve got to be more loving toward myself.
I’ve got to remember that without me, so many people wouldn’t feel the love that I’m able to give from the love that has been given to me.
And it would just be such a shame not to share your love.
Period.
That’s one of the reasons I love these restorative Reiki classes so much. And, I mean, the vibe is literally next level. You walk in there and you’re basically already levitating. You’re floating around in there. Literally floating around in Anahata. Just like, Ohhhh, here I am, floating around in the heart chakra.
And I freaking love that.
It is one of the most special places I’ve been able to find other than my own home.
There’s something so beautiful about knowing that once a week, I have somewhere I can go and get all the heebie-jeebies out. Rest. Restore. Come back to myself. Get ready for the week. Learn something in the meantime. Go a little deeper. Do a little work.
Because we’re doing things for other people all week long.
And then there is this little pocket of time that is just for us.
And it’s absolutely magical.
I’m so grateful there is an actual time slot and an actual physical place where I can go and do that. I don’t have to somehow get my house perfectly silent for an hour. I don’t have to create the environment or make everything stop.
I can just go.
I can lie down.
I can be still.
I can be in the darkness for a little while without being afraid that I have to stay there.
And maybe I don’t even have to ask how quickly I can get back to the light.
Maybe the better question is:
Who am I becoming on my way there?
As always, love ya.
